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I’m not a golfer, but I do know what a mulligan is. It’s a do-over, a second chance. Let’s say a bird flew in front of you just as you were about to make a long putt. Maybe not in tournament play, but among friends, they may let you replace the ball as close as possible to the original spot and take another putt, without adding the first stroke to your tally.

That’s a mulligan.

I’ve taken many mulligans in my life, not in golf. Here are some examples.

Very early on in my dating career, I had a first date with a girl I was interested in. It didn’t go well. I can’t recall the details, but neither of us saw a future in a second date.

But I’m not one to let an opportunity slip away. I figured anyone can exchange bad first impressions and both get it wrong. So I asked her out again, with a mutual understanding that we were testing the validity of our first impressions. I know, very cold and sterile, but the mulligan date confirmed we had it right the first time. Sorry, no hand-in-hand walk into the sunset.

Another example.

In my career as a supervisor/manager, a staff member made a serious mistake. Not life-threatening, but still not a trivial error. This worker was very conscientious, ethical with others, and honest with herself and others. I called her into my office to review the matter. I know this is scary for staff, as I’ve been on the receiving end of these meetings.

I tried to put the staff member at ease, at least enough that he could absorb what I was saying rather than waiting for the hammer to fall. I moved to the secondary part of my office, away from my desk and around the coffee table with the comfy chairs. I told him that I thought he knew what he had done wrong, that he would learn from this, and that he most likely wouldn’t do it again.

He agreed.

I told him there was nothing more to discuss and that, from my perspective, the incident was closed. I asked him to stay in my office with me a little longer for appearances’ sake. 

I had offered a mulligan; he accepted. It was well deserved.

And my last example.

I had been doing something that was aggravating my wife. I was not aware of this at all. In fact, she had tried to discuss it with me some months earlier, but I had mocked her concern, and she let the issue drop there.

Then I had been reading a magazine article about keeping relationships current and clean of unnecessary issues that can slide onto ongoing hidden obstructions. I asked her if there was anything I was doing that annoyed her.

Remember, at this point, I had no recollection of her first attempt to have the very discussion I was about to have with her. The details are too embarrassing to share, and your imaginations will be far more colourful than my reality.

But I did understand the importance to me, in particular, and to my wife, as a partner in the issue, of giving myself a mulligan. I did talk with her so I could understand what was so annoying. I did confirm what I could do differently, and lastly, I asked for her help in identifying when I was doing this annoying behaviour. 

We agreed on ways to do this, particularly when others were present.

To my surprise, I changed more quickly than expected. Aside from checking in with her to see how she perceived my progress, we never discussed this again.

The mulligan allowed both of us to focus on the issue, solve it together, and move on, without it becoming ammunition for future disagreements.

Please give this a bit of a think. Can you think of any situations where you either took or gave yourself a mulligan?

Please comment by sending me an email with your bit of a think. I am curious about your thoughts.

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