I recently visited a friend in the hospital for an unexpected admission and an unexpected lengthy stay.

During one of my visits, shortly after his admission, he was understandably not in a good mood. In part, I noted he was upset with a staff member who seemed curt with him. Short on patience. He also complained about the food.

From my perspective, there was some truth to what he said, but as the saying goes, it is what it is.

Jumping ahead a week or so, his mood had improved. He seemed happier and more accepting of his situation. The most interesting change was in how he treated the staff. He was empathetic to their plight, seeing a lack of patience being impacted by too many patients.

I also noticed the staff had warmed up to my friend. As I was leaving at the end of my visit, they spoke positively about him.

This transformation got me thinking.

I have seen signs posted in many public buildings that declare, and I’m paraphrasing here, “We’ll respect you if you respect us.”

I never liked that approach. It says, or at least implies, you can expect to be disrespected if you are not nice to us. Hopefully, the intended meaning is different.

In any situation, paid staff should respect the people they serve. This does not mean they need to accept rude, threatening, or similar behaviour. But it can be handled firmly while still showing respect. Respect should not be conditional.

It is the same thing with an apology. I’ve received a conditional apology, for example, “I’ll apologize if you promise to…” That isn’t an apology. It has no value.

My friend and the attending medical staff took some time to show empathy and reflect the empathy they were receiving. It was a win-win.

I try to move past the ‘It is what it is’ mantra to appreciate the complexity of how I came to interact with others in a way that is not as respectful as I’d expect my interaction to be. I try not to accept my status quo. I look for better ways to respond to my world. I’m not always successful.

Please give this a bit of a think. When you react to others around you, are you reflecting on what you are receiving emotionally in a way you’d be proud of the next day?  Do you pick a different tone and attitude to reflect? You have a chance to make a choice.

I am curious about your thoughts. Please share your bit of a think in the comment section below. It will come to me for approval before posting.

Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

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glenn.walmsley@icloud.com