by

I am less than a month away from my 50^th wedding anniversary. I could go on and on about the joy this relationship has given me, and I’m confident my wife feels it too. I am grateful every day for the series of decisions that led us to both want to try out a joint, exciting journey.

We made a change in our traditional wedding vows that caused a murmur throughout the church. We promised our commitment to each other ‘as long as we both shall love.’ We understood that if the love left, we needed to accept it and go our separate ways. We regularly pay attention to our love IQ.

Given all this context, I pondered why some folks seek a partner who is Mr. or Mrs. Right, while others seek a relationship that has possibilities, room to grow, fail, stumble, and ultimately be different from each other.

Although we had lived together for a year before getting married, we had to complete a marriage preparation course. No exceptions were granted.

One moment stood out during the course. One young couple had never discussed any financial issues. He acknowledged that his partner liked to spend money, while he was much more frugal. What could possibly go wrong?

My wife-to-be and I spent a lot of time talking. Just talking about our relationship. We discussed a wide variety of topics important to a happy marriage. How many children did we want? Who had what say in how it got spent when paycheques were deposited? How did we go about budgeting money?

I didn’t have a concept of a growth vs. destiny approach to picking a life partner when I was seeking one. I went by intuition. I was in my early twenties when I started dating. Yes, late to the party, I know, but I wasn’t ready until I was ready.

In hindsight, I went with the growth approach. One person I dated for a short while had a car. I had my licence, but I was between cars. When we went on a date, she insisted I drive, as the guy was supposed to do that. I realized that she would likely have many role expectations. Some she would be aware of, and others remained invisible until challenged. That was a source of conflict I didn’t want to face throughout a relationship. I took a pass and looked elsewhere for a partner.

Was I right? Who knows?

My wife wanted to keep her own name after we were married. I agreed. I never understood the custom of changing one’s name. There were government forms to complete to make it legal for us to keep our own names. I guess we weren’t breaking new ground if the government had a form.

Looking back on these 50 years, we’ve had a wonderful adventure. In some ways, we are pretty much the same people who exchanged wedding vows. Yet, we’ve changed so much.

Please give this a bit of a think. Do you tend to enter a relationship from a growth point of view or a destiny/fate point of view?

Please comment: Send me an email with your bit of a think. I am curious about your thoughts.

Photo by GoodNotes 5 on Unsplash

If you enjoyed The Blog, please share it with others. Thanks.

And my thanks to St. Albert’s 50+ Activity Centre for making this Blog possible.

Volunteer Blogger