No Talk – No Change

I spend time reflecting on how I can be a better person. How can I think and behave more like the person I want to be? I don’t want to rule out seismic shifts at my age, but that scale is unlikely.

My experience has been that what gets talked about improves. Well, sometimes it gets worse, so I’ll rephrase. What doesn’t get talked about, doesn’t change: No talk – no change. There, that’s better.

For example, I had a female friend. She was a friend with no benefits. My wife knew about her, and occasionally my friend and I would get together for supper or a coffee when I was in her town. I was naïve when I was younger, and it just didn’t dawn on me that my wife might feel, at best, uneasy with this relationship.

My wife was confident in our relationship and she was supportive. However, she was generous of spirit to tell me that she was OK with the relationship and supported me to enjoy this person’s company without guilt.

Interestingly, my wife also had a similar relationship with the same person. I knew this. When my wife travelled to my friend’s town, she spent time visiting.

To bring closure to this part of the story, we received a card in the mail sent by a close friend of our mutual friend. Our friend had died unexpectedly.

There were no details and no response to our request for what happened.  We can only speculate, which we tried our best to not do.

Please give this a bit of a think. If there are issues in your life, whether they be with others or just with yourself, get it clarified in words. They can be just your own thoughts at this early stage. I think it is helpful to actually write it down in a few words, to lock it in, so you can’t run away from it.

Before going further, ask yourself this question. How will you know the discussion with yourself or another was successful?

If it is with another, I urge you not to measure success in any changes they make. You have no control over that, so don’t give them power over you. If the measure of success is with you, then the sky is the limit. It might be as simple as knowing you faced your fear head-on and said it out loud. That’s a big first step. It might be a realistic plan for change that you develop.

If it is with yourself, what do you want it to be like; what is success? Then teach yourself how best to change.  Develop a plan. Could you do it? Learn from the lack of success each time. 

I’m curious about your thoughts. Please leave me your comment. I read every one.

Also, any topic ideas? If so, please share them with me. This is much appreciated.

Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash

My thanks to St. Albert Seniors Association: 780-459-0433 for making this Blog possible.

Volunteer Blogger

4 thoughts on “No Talk – No Change

  1. Marilyn says:

    Your thought for this week was good timing for me. I agree that we need to put our thoughts into words and have discussions, but, especially with others, the choice of words is often a challenge. I feel success is not only with self, but with others.

  2. Patti+Dolman says:

    After a certain age some issues become more difficult to resolve. “ accept the things you cannot change ……” so sometimes the only thing that can change is one’s attitude.

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